Oh No She Didn't

The other day I went on my third school trip in four weeks – this time to a museum. These trips always seem to fall on the same day Park has an after school activity. Since I was going on the trip she skipped the school bus. So I drove her 20 miles to school, went on the trip, drove her 20 miles back home, fed her, then left for ice-skating lessons. By the time we got home I was exhausted and I just wanted to rest. Park then asked if we could play. I’m thinking, isn’t that what we’ve done for the past 10 hours?! So I went into this diatribe about how it was a long day, all that we did that day, how I just wanted to rest and no we could not play together.

While I was talking, Park was writing in her notebook. After my soliloquy she paused and drew a big heart on the page and then asked how to spell my name. I was so touched as she wrote each letter thinking what a sweet girl I have. After she finished the last letter I said “Oh Parker!” And then she looked at me, took the pen and scratched my name out – slowly! And said “That’s what you get for not playing with me.”

This kid, like all kids, has no idea what parents go through – with my back still sore from my failed kick-boxing class, I planned three things around her birthday celebration, worked an event for my church and wrote a script. I’m friggin’ walking around like a question mark trying not to miss a beat for her activities. I walk around in my “I’m going to the gym” clothes while my body looks like I’ve never set foot in one. For me dressing up is putting on red lipstick, but the only people who notice are my daughter’s classmates who beg me to put it on when I visit. One of the few times I managed to throw on a skirt, my neighbor chastised me for still wearing a slip – that she could see hanging below my hem.

So I walk around in my mom clothes, accented by red lips, running around from one child’s activity to the next. When I’m not doing that, I’m working from home, trying to get it all done before she gets home. So, in a nutshell, my earth orbits around her sun, while she scratches my name out of a heart.

But I know she loves me and just wants us to spend time together. In a few years that won’t be the case, she’ll stop being so consumed in my world and run off to play with her friends – while I beg for time with her. So I’ll take the art work with a grain of salt and spend a little time on the floor rolling around – with my bad clothes, my red lipstick and my wild, expressive child in my arms.