Ice, Ice Baby: Lessons from the Rink

Yesterday was the end of Park’s first session of ice skating lessons. She did a tester course in the summer but this was the real thing. For six weeks I have watched her attempts. When upright, she is a pretty fast skater – but she seems to prefer to spend more time rolling on the ice. I don’t know if she’s doing it on purpose but she seems fascinated with BEING ON THE FLOOR – and it drives me crazy. She doesn’t just fall, she lays there, studying the markings for the ice hockey games, feeling the cold on her hands, playing with whatever object the teacher threw out for them to retrieve.

I guess I want her to excel at this and she seems quite content to idle by, taking in the scenery as she occasionally listens to the instructor. Sometimes it’s a slow crumble down to the ice, sometimes it’s a spectacular crash. Each time I want to scream at the top of my lungs GET UP, but she’s quite happy laying there thinking about it. I don’t care if she is ever an athlete but to see her so comfortable at laying there drives me nuts. I like that we try different things – and she LIKES ice skating. After every class I ask if she is still on board, does she want to keep doing and it and she never hesitates to say yes. She even gave up dance classes to do this.

Maybe it’s me. She is clearly happy just being out there, enjoying the moment. I’m the one in conniptions on the sidelines. I’m thinking she’s complacent with being adequate and she’s thinking “yeah, more fun time (literally) on the ice.” I have been told I am a perfectionist. I really, really don’t see myself that way, I just don’t want to embarrass myself so I try to get things right. People say I am really smart – first grade at five, college at 20, masters at 22 – but it was only because I was rushing through school and wanted to be done early, so I worked at it – In reality I was really just a strong B, maybe at times B+ student. Maybe I just need to chill the hell out with my expectations for my daughter and for myself.

So I’m putting my money where my mouth is – yesterday I signed up for adult ice skating lessons. I have been on skates three times in my life and each time I ride the side rail for dear life. But perhaps I need to learn like my daughter to be comfortable in falling; comfortable in letting go and not trying to be perfect or rush through just to get it over with. Perhaps I need to simply live in that moment right then and there and not worry about the next one.

The best thing about it – our lessons are at the same time. So instead of seeing Mommy focusing on what she is doing wrong she will see Mommy simply being human – stumbling, learning, trying,and not taking that imperfection past that one moment when it happens. Most importantly, she’ll see me falling, and perhaps, like her I will learn to just get up with a smile on my face and keep moving forward.