Mommy's Day Out

I was so excited this past Saturday. I was going to hang out with my friend in DC as she looked for apartments in the Eastern Market area. I had already told Larry that he needed to find someone to watch Park and that we would be leaving early. I got up that morning excited and ready to go. Larry had a game so I still had to get Park up, dressed and fed, but I "whistled as I worked" because it was a gorgeous day and I was free to enjoy it unencumbered. No bringing the back pack filled with snacks, milk, and a change of clothes; no making sure the right stroller was in the trunk and not the one my husband broke, whose metal rod has to be jerry-rigged to stay in place; no portable potty that I have to pull over to use after passing three bathrooms and my daughter swearing she didn't have to go. Nope - the day was all mine. As I was leaving, trying to run out the door while tying Park's shoe, she asked for a popsicle and I said "You're going to have to learn to open the fridge and climb up there yourself because I'm out!" I yelled upstairs to Larry that I was leaving, closed the door and looked through the glass only to find Park looking back at me through the glass crying her little eyes out. But it was 84 degrees and I planned on enjoying my well-deserved time; so I pushed the image out of my mind, knowing she'd be okay hanging with "Aunty Dawn" for the day. We got into the car and headed into the city and the day did not disappoint. We saw about five apartments and then sat down to eat at Montmarte, being sure to sit outside so we could people watch as we dined. And of course every last thing about being outside reminded me of Parker - the nice weather: I thought about how she would enjoy being out here with Mommy; little girls walking by: any race, any age, reminded me of something my girl would wear or do; little boys running: reminded me of how rough and tumble she can be; even the meal reminded me of our last visit to the same restaurant with her and how I had to keep her from flipping over the table. Simply put, being without her made me think of her even more. Even as we visited more apartments that afternoon I imagined what bedroom Park and I would be staying in when we visited. My husband teases me. He says I don't really hang out with anyone. I beg to differ. My sister is my best friend and I hang out with her when she comes to town; we talk pretty much every day and vacation together with friends, I have some girlfriends in the area who I see occasionally and then there are the Mommies I have met through Park. But the reality is, most of my days are spent working here from home and hanging with Park. I don't think it's crazy or lonely, I just want her to be a part of all of my experiences - whether it's a sunny day outside, a weekend activity or a vacation - she rolls with me. And when she is not there, I imagine what she'd do if she were. As much as I relish the "me time" I wonder if I am cheating her out of an experience she will enjoy. Now, she is not "up-under me" every second. If it's a weekend I always make sure we have something to do so we don't drive each other crazy all day; some days she practically has to drag me down to her play room because if I watch another episode of "The Fresh Beat Band" I may walk out on a ledge - although she'll let Daddy go down there and watch whatever he wants on the other TV, Mommy has to sit at rapt attention in the same room; and when she gets home from school, I practically have to pry her from sitting on top of me for the first hour she gets home. So I do appreciate the space between us, I just really like the closeness too. As I look at my calendar for the week, it's mostly filled with her appointments: gymnastics, tap & ballet; two doctors appointments, Mary Poppins, two birthday parties and a swim class and let's not forget church on Sunday. But the next week looks promising. I just have to remember to schedule in some time for me - and then wonder how much Park would enjoy being there!