Miss to Ma'am

I just finished working out - something I used to do for enjoyment is now an obligation. For years I was the one who never looked her age. As a senior in my Catholic high school, the Guidance Counselor stopped me one day for not having on a uniform as a freshman(a privilege only granted on Fridays to seniors), before she realized I was a senior. I started college at 17 and graduated at 20, so as a junior I was often had the age and looks of some freshman. When I started my business, I'd have to wistfully reflect on something I did at my first job "years ago" so the clients could start mentally calculating my age and know they weren't talking to a high school kid with no experience.

I remember going to my first job and ordering a corn muffin about the size of my face with extra butter every morning; then topping it off with a Hershey Bar with almonds and soda for a snack. Those were the days I could hang out until 4:00 a.m.and turn around and do it all over again. Those were the days when I stared blankly at a woman who commented on my size and said "See - you're not a double digit girl" I had no idea that she meant clothing size.

Exercise was fun - something to do! There was a gym franchise around the corner from my house, on 86th and Lexington, called Living Well Lady, where you'd find the teachers, who were actually dancers, outside on their breaks smoking cigarettes, eating potato chips and sipping soda! Everyone took for granted that they were young and would always look "this good."

I guess I took for granted that I would always look young. Don't get me wrong - I still look young for my age. But the reality is, I look young-er than my age and that is the difference. No matter what routine I do, there's no mistaking that I am solidly middle-aged! No one will mistake me for 20 or 25 anymore. Instead, it's a compliment when they think I'm 35. No one will call me "Miss" anymore; I am firmly in the "Ma'am" category.

I used to be one of those women who said "I'll never dye my hair; when the gray comes, I will wear it with pride and style." Now I try to think of which hairstyle I can wear to cover the increasingly evident gray strands until I can get them colored. I used to say, "Oh I'm still trying to lose the baby weight." Well the "baby" is almost three and a half years old and I am still trying to lose those last six pounds! Once scoffing the idea of Spanx, I reach for them every time I put on a dress. And I have crossed the line into a double-digit girl. I have seen my body go from size 6 to size 8 to size 10.

My 30 year old neighbor, who has son older than my daughter, just celebrated her mother's 50th birthday. I am three years younger than her mother - yet my daughter is younger than her son! That is the funniest thing - in my circle in NY it seemed an anomaly to find a woman who was married with kids before 35. I can name ten women off the top of my head who were married after 35. Now, several of the women I meet here in the DC area with kids my daughter's age, are any where from 10 to 20 years younger than me!

But having my daughter allows me to walk in both worlds. I am forced to climb and run and jump and leap because being the mother of a toddler demands it and I enjoy having younger friends who I am wise enough to know that I can learn from as much as they can learn from me. But I hopefully also have the benefit of my life experiences.

I can honestly say there is not one bone in my body that longs for those younger days. There are some things that I "know for sure." I know that when I hear Adele's gorgeous ballad "Someone Like You," I absolutely cannot relate because I know that at almost 39, I married the right one for me; I know my worth when it comes to my work and my talents and no one can make me think otherwise; I know that, while a few pounds heavier than I was 20 years ago, I am still an attractive, happy and satisfied woman; I know that a song from Biggie or Jay Z will still make me jump out of my seat despite my father's wondering if I'll ever outgrow hip-hop; I know that my daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me and makes weight and age mere things to ponder, but never dwell on.

So I am have to turn in my "Miss" card but I know, with every day, every experience, every creaky body exercise move and every gray hair that sprouts, I have earned my "Ma'am" card and I plan to rock it with pride.