To Be or Not to Be Like Mommy

Took my daughter to her first dance class this weekend. I never thought I'd be one of those Mom's who runs their kids here and there on the weekends, but now I realize why they do it - to wear their kids out so they can get some rest! I am not sure how I am going to cut it with the 8:30 a.m. start time, but I am going to give it a shot. I follow that with story time at Barnes and Noble, then lunch, then I can get a good two-three hours to myself on the weekend!! We start gymnastics at the end of the month - ok, so I AM that mother!! But I do want her to experience things for more than the fact that I get a break - music, dance, culture. I want her to see past her neighborhood, past her city, past her country. At two, she has a stamped passport. While my husband and I made a few Caribbean trips with her, thanks to a little help from Mom, she saw Europe this summer.

Why am I over 40 with my mom takng me on vacation? Maybe I should say thank God. She's from that last line of people who actually retire with a great pension, no debt and their homes paid for in full. Married at 19, divorced at 42 and remarried, she started early and finished early. My generation - well at least for those of us from a city environment- we married late and started late on everything. I laughed when we signed the note on our 30-year mortgage. There is no way in hell I will be paying a mortgage for 30 years. I don't care what I have to do but it will be paid off early. I love my neighborhood and plan to stay put and pay it off early. I don't understand why people want to jump and move to bigger, better. I picked a nice house in a nice neighborhood and this is where we plan to raise our family. We have a relatively new baby and a new home, but I am not 25, I'm 45 and I am thinking of retirement.

I love that I lived my life, traveled the world, started my business at 28, owned my own home before I was married, but would I advise my daughter to do it that way? Eh - not so much! I'd like her to start a little earlier on the family side, build together with her husband but still be independent. But I want her to be done by the time she's my age, not just starting!

I have some friends who are almost done - with kids in highschool and/or college, a few who are like me - married later (after 35) and had kids late, but I also have just as many who are my age, never married, no kids. It's going to be interesting to see how we all pan out with our choices. I don't regret anything - all of the fools I dated were necessary for me to meet and appreciate my husband, but again, I still can't say that's what I'd want for my daughter.

...But First I'd Like to Introduce Myself...

Ok, I've tried this blog thing a few times, trying to find something that fit, something that would make me feel comfortable sharing my voice. Let's hope the third time is the charm! You can tell from the title of this blog, I am a mid-life Mommy. I had my first (and so far only) child at 43 years and eight months. The reason my age is so detailed is that, as any one whose had a baby over 35 knows, they count every second you age!!! Every minute in their minds potentially pushes you closer to Armageddon and they are just doing the count down.

It's not that I wanted to be here so late in life, but I didn't get married until I was almost 39. I figured things would flow from there, but after years of trying, two attempts at artificial insemination, two attempts at InVitro and no luck, I was squarely into my 40s before I found a Naturopathic doctor who changed my diet, prayed with and for me and wham, I was pregnant in six months! So here I am, with a happy, healthy two year old.

Here I am ALSO, in mid-life! Life is funny like that! I don't know if the changes my body is going through are because of the baby or because I'm getting older. Sometimes I panic wondering if I'll be around to see my daughter grow up; other times I laugh at the fact that I'm doing things like wrangling my daughter to comb her hair and I'm thinking "but I'm damn near 50, how did I get into this mess?!" It's just been a fun and wild and thought-provoking journey.

With this blog spot I hope to explore all of those changes and feelings. I'm hoping I can be honest and open. I am hoping that fear won't stifle me; I am hoping you won't think I'm an idiot. I am hoping...